Being Enough.

   Its that time of the year again. When everyone around me is talking about how content they feel with the person they are today. When they somehow make themselves believe that the worst is over. Today is the day everyone tells themselves that they are a better and a stronger person than they were a year ago to say the very least (even though we have as much of a claim to this newfound strength than that heartache that caused it but still).

  January first has always been a date whose liking by the mass public manages to confuse me.I still have trouble comprehending how the flick of a mere page in our calendars blesses most of us oblivion from a task our hidden flawed parts dislike the most : self-evaluation.

 Or can it really be called self-evaluation anymore? When none of us remember the last time an observation was made by us for only our sake? Can we really label today’s average projected teenager as satisfied when the very verdict of his capabilities is given by those around him rather than himself?

 To the people who are worried right now. The people who are wondering if they have been enough. A good enough student for their teachers, a good enough friend or even a good enough child. To the people who are rendered anxious by the fleeting passing of the year, who  can only think about how many decisions they have made which will always be regrettable. Of how many mistakes they have committed which will forever taint their future, as the final hour draws near to yet another seemingly hollow year.

 What really defines enough? Or rather who does? If it was us we would have stopped doing this ages ago. If it was us we would have been enough for ourselves, content in the knowledge that we are trying to be better. If it was us we would be celebrating the infectious irrational hope that besieges the dawn of a new year rather than contemplating the very words which are forcing us to encounter what we have been unconsciously running from decades now.

You will start realizing that you are enough when you understand that you will never be enough. 

You will never be good enough to fulfill your family’s high expectations of you, never be a good enough friend to someone who deserves one, never be a good enough student for a much respected mentor. Never be good enough for everyone and yes most of the times we are never even good enough for anyone. Despite every fiber of your body craving it to be so you will never be enough for the world.

Because you have never allowed yourself to be enough for yourself.

Because you granted permission to what people think about you grow to encompass who you are as an entirety.

 Because you've always let people have a say in how good you are.

Because we are letting life happen to us and even as we convince ourselves of setting its course, it’s a path decided on by what everyone expects of us rather than what we want for ourselves.

  So when the clock strikes twelve tonight and you coax yourself into believing that you’ll be enough this year, I want you to think about who you have become today as a person. I want you to understand the exact level of of how much you've let people influence you.If your reality coincides with the person you want to be, then you have no reason whatsoever to be ashamed of who you are as a human being.

Happy new year everyone! Make the most of it.