Shedding Shelters

  You step over the threshold and feel the day fade out of you. The tensions being sapped from your aching back muscles as you rub your sore neck back to life. You loosen a breath as your eyes survey your surroundings. Your soft bed , your gaming consoles and books exactly where they are supposed to be. The thermostat set to the exact temperature you want it to be at. The odour of your favourite dish lingering in the air.

  You close your eyes as out of habit rather than choice a smile plays and then lingers on your lips. The day is done. You've dealt with your fair share of annoying people and are ready to sleep. You’re harbouring the rawest emotion you have ever known .You feel peaceful. You are at home.

Or are you?

Is that what home is to you?

Think again.

If this is what you seek – sleek dresses and well-furnished homes- then how do you explain what you feel?

  Being human you are either currently working or have already worked your part of keeping up with the world. You have faced predicaments. You have placed your happiness on the line. You have pulled up all-nighters and compromised your health for something that you always considered worthwhile. Or at least something you knew you should consider worthwhile to refrain from standing out.

(Maybe?)

  A large part of you ceases to understand the entire process. Of bargaining your present for a future you might or might not have. When you watch newsfeeds of accidents it hits you the most. You ask yourself:

“What if…?”

 “What if that were me?”

“What if I were to die right now?”

(That's right, i said it)

You’re superficial at first.

  You think of how many mourners would come to your house and which suits your terrible friends with double standards will wear to your funeral as they titter over your body. You think of how you won’t leave behind a legacy. Of how the cruel hands of fate would never had granted you a chance at doing something tremendous enough to shatter the stars.

(Poor you.)

Then comes that part…

  There’s a second and then there’s a fraction of a second. For the smallest moment you think of yourself as a human free of social constraints is ought to think of themselves. You think of how many people you've turned down for something’s sake. You think of how many times you've stepped just out of reach of happy memories, out of consideration for something. You think of how you haven’t laughed enough because of something. Of how you haven’t given enough time to your family because of something.

  Your counselors and elders in all of their sagacity called something your “dream”. All you've ever known about something is what they have told you:

“Dreams are what make you special!”

“Goals are your driving force!”

“A life without aim is no life at all!”

“There has to be a purpose to life!”

“You need to find what you want and then work towards it.”

  Remember the innocent 5 year old you? Those big eyes that believed in magic and that hyperactive mind that moved through scenarios like fluid. Always learning something from every possible situation.

Like that time your mom told you not to touch the flame but you did and cried for what felt like an eternity?

Like that time your dad asked you to go to sleep but you stayed up gaming and regretted it the next day when you slept through the entire movie premiere?

Like that time your teacher asked you to stay indoors but instead you played in the rain and caught a cold?

Lessons?

Fire is bad. Mom is right.

Gaming is bad. Dad is right.

Rain is bad. Teacher is right.

…

Questioning is bad. Society is right.

…

You grew up around people who you believed knew the best for you. Whom you believed were making the right choices for you.

But that’s it isn't it. We never grew up did we?

I’d like to say we never bothered with questions because we knew our limits. But we really don’t. I’ll tell you something we do know instead.

 We know of our flimsy strength. We know how we are aren't enough. Of how we have to try harder. Of how tough the competition is. Of how probable it is for the odds to not be in our favour. Of how we should try our best to fulfill our “dreams”.

How can one word hold so much power over us? How can one word bring all of humanity to its knees? How can one word so temporarily seal our fates?

  But its power isn't what scares me. If you’re crazy enough to think as I do, you’ll be left awestruck -maybe even reverent- by the sheer might of human desire.

  What scares me is how distorted its definition is to those of us who claim to be acquainted with its meanings.

  You’re in primary school and your uncle asks you what to be.You tell them the usual. A fashion designer. An entertainer. An artist. You wait for them to admire your career choices.

He ruffles your hair and tell your parents that you have "quite the imagination".

  You’re in elementary school and you have to pick subjects. You know what you want. It’s in every inch of you. You peek at your parents from across the desk. You stifle your instincts and opt for double maths. The smiles that lights up their faces tell you that you've made the right choice.

(Just do what you want to! Of course we support you!)

  You’re in high school and you can’t decide on a university. You’re expected to pick right and you don’t fail to disappoint.

  That night you get an admission and you’re surrounded by people you don’t know of and they congratulate you on finally being near to achieving your dream you smile politely back.

This is what I want from life.

This is the best I can get at this point.

There really isn't any way of turning back.

This is my dream. 

This is my...

This is...

This...

  You repeat it enough times to coax your illusion into a reality. The sounds of celebrations around you almost drown out the sound of a door being locked forever. A door you always knew would lead you to another future. A door which you will never stop aching for in the years to come.  A door on which you’ll bang your bloody fists ,as you beg for a chance to redeem yourself. A door which opens to home.

  You would have been tired but not worn out. Nothing would have been at its place; your constant hurried state and your badly trained puppy both equally to blame. The thermostat would need repairing every week or so.You’d open your fridge and always end up eating leftovers and frozen food.

(that moment when you relate to this gif
more than you will ever relate to your friends)

  Leaning against the table you use for ironing , eating and working , you’d press a button on your voice-mail and hear voices. Voices of people you know. People you love. People who need and want you.

You’d tilt your head back and look at the dilapidated ceiling. You’d close your eyes and smile.

And guess what?

In this version it would be out of choice, not out of habit.

  It would be because you wouldn't be at the most luxurious shelter. You would be something infinitely better. You would be at home.

  In this version you would have followed your dream. In this version your parents feel content when they finally realize how easy it is for you to smile. In this version you choose to fight for what you want.

It is only these people- those who are in these versions rather than wistfully thinking of them-see dreams for what they are.

Dreams are the lost keys. The ones to that door you thought was locked forever.

That door can be a person or a place or a profession for you.

Dreams are what give us strength. What makes us flawed humans enough even when we aren't.

Dreams are not shelters. No safety from the storm guaranteed.

  But it is only after we shed shelters, when we force ourselves to try things we haven’t ever done before for the sake of knowing who we are, can we finally find the roads leading to our homes.